May 13, 2010

If You Are Caught Sleeping at The Job!

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."

7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

6. "The coffee machine is broken...."

5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."


Half a Brain

A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can 
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another man, and have him looking 
for work in six weeks." 

A German doctor says, "That's nothing . We can take a lung out of one 
person, put it in another man,and have him looking for work in four weeks." 

A Russian doctor says, "In my country, medicine is so advanced we take half 
a heart out of one person, put it in another man,and have both of them 
looking for work in two weeks." 

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind us. 
We just took a man with no brain out of
Texas, put him in the White House, 
and now half the country is looking for work.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" 

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, 
so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call 
her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. 
The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him 
the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," 

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. 

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds 
that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and 
finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. 
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. 
He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 
"Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." 

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." 

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government 
is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."