November 2, 2009

Never ever the same.




Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never ever the same.


Never the Same

October 31, 2009

I Am Not There

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sun on ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
I'm Not There [Vinyl]
 

Parable of the Four-Poster

 
Because she wants to touch him,
she moves away.
Because she wants to talk to him,
she keeps silent.
Because she wants to kiss him,
she turns away
& kisses a man she does not want to kiss.
He watches
thinking she does not want him.
He listens
hearing her silence.
He turns away
thinking her distant
& kisses a girl he does not want to kiss.
They marry each other--
a four-way mistake.
He goes to bed with his wife
thinking of her.
She goes to bed with her husband
thinking of him.
--& all this in a real old-fashioned four-poster bed.
Do they live unhappily ever after?
Of course.
Do they undo their mistakes ever?
Never.
Who is the victim here?
Love is the victim.
Who is the villain?
Love that never dies.

Agrees with everything I say.'

A man walks
into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to
the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich..

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That
will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket
and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the
ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries
and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the
same.'

Again the man reaches into his
pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?'
asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night,
so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says
the man.

'Same,' says the
ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the
order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.

The waitress
cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact
change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,'
says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared
and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put
my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would
always be there....'

'That's brilliant!'
says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million
dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you
want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the
ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a
tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with
everything I say.'

October 29, 2009

Insan ki tamam pareshanian


Insan ki tamam pareshanian 2 batu ki waja se hain.
1. Taqdeer se zyada chahta hai.
2. Aur waqt se pehlay chahta hai.
(Imam Ghazali)

October 17, 2009

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:


1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

October 16, 2009

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.

Oh poor boy



Never sing for my supper I never help my neighbour Never do what is proper For my share of labour. I'm a poor boy And I'm a rover Count your coins and Throw them over my shoulder I may grow older Nobody knows How cold it grows And nobody sees How shaky my knees Nobody cares How steep my stairs And nobody smiles If I cross their stiles. Oh poor boy So sorry for himself Oh poor boy So worried for his health. You may say every day Where will he stay tonight. Never know what I came for Seems that I've forgotten Never ask what I came for Or how I was begotten. I'm a poor boy And I'm a ranger Things I say May seem stranger than Sunday Changing to Monday. Nobody knows How cold it flows And nobody feels The worn down heels Nobody's eyes Make the skies Nobody spreads Their aching heads. Oh poor boy

October 3, 2009

How to take care of your wife:

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+8)
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY
-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned_____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

September 16, 2009

The Earth Brithing

video

Up in the major's tree
The one he planted back when he was just a boy
Back in 1923
Thirty meters and a foot, take a look, take a climb
What you'll find is the product of a seed

The seed is sown, all alone
It grows above with a heart of love
A sharpened shelter of
The animals of land and cold weather breathing
We're all breathing

September 12, 2009

Why Men Love Women

Our lives and our thoughts always revolve around them, their bodies and souls are ever-present in our minds. Their femininity, elegance and strength transport us to another world.

A woman's laugh touches our soul as well as seeing tears of happiness or sadness in her eyes. Women are the most beautiful and sublime creations in the universe to a man, and they always will be.

August 20, 2009

I'm forever yours, ever yours Faithfully

Highway run into the midnight sun
Wheels go 'round and 'round, you're on my mind
Restless hearts sleep alone tonight
Sendin' all my love along the wire

They say that the road ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be
Oh, girl you stand by me, I'm forever yours, faithfully

Circus life under the big top world
We all need the clowns to make us smile
Through space and time, always another show
Wondering where I am lost without you

And bein' apart ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me, I'm forever yours, faithfully

Faithfully, I'm still yours
I'm forever yours, ever yours
Faithfully

August 16, 2009

One Month


A BOY HAD CANCER AND HE HAD ONLY ONE
MONTH TO LIVE. HE LIKED A GIRL VERY MUCH WHO WAS WORKING IN A CD SHOP.
BUT HE DID NOT TELL HER ABOUT HIS LUV.
EVERYDAY HE WENT TO THE CD SHOP AND BOUGHT A CD ONLY TO TALK TO HER.

AFTER A MONTH HE DIED.
GIRL WAS WAITING FOR HIM AND ONE DAY THE GIRL WENT TO HIS HOME AND ASKED ABOUT HIM,
HIS MOM TOLD HER THAT HE DIED
AND TOOK HER TO HIS ROOM....................................

SHE SAW ALL THE CD'S UNOPENED ...............
THE GIRL CRIED N CRIED N FINALLY AFTER SOME DAY SHE ALSO DIED.
SO DO YOU KNOW Why SHE CRIED?
ÇOZ SHE HAD KEPT HER OWN LUV LETTERS INSIDE THE CD PACKS.
SHE ALSO LUVED HIM BUT HE DID NOT OPEN ANY CD
HE JUST WANTED TO TALK TO HER .............
moral of the story: if u love someone......say to him/her directly
don't wait for the destiny to play the role

August 14, 2009

I Can't Seem To Make You Mine

In the silence of the garden

Moss arizing on the wind
And the beast is pondering love love love
'Till the rusty nail grow dim

I can't seem to make you mine
Through the long and lonely night
And I try so hard, darling
But the crowd pulled you away
Through the rhythm and the rain
And the ivy coiled around my hand

So I lingered with the people
In the silent August glade
But the rain has brought the night
And the night has brought the rain

video

I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You

Well I hope that I dont fall in love with you
cause falling in love just makes me blue,
Well the music plays and you display
Your heart for me to see,
I had a beer and now I hear you
Calling out for me
And I hope that I dont fall in love with you.

Well the room is crowded, people everywhere
And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?
Well if you sit down with this old clown,
Take that frown and break it,
Before the evenings gone away,
I think that we could make it,
And I hope that I dont fall in love with you.

Well the night does funny things inside a man
These old tom-cat feelings you dont understand,
Well I turn around to look at you,
You light a cigarette,
I wish I had the guts to bum one,
But weve never met,
And I hope that I dont fall in love with you.

I can see that you are lonesome just like me,
And it being late, youd like some some company,
Well I turn around to look at you,
And you look back at me,
The guy youre with has up and split,
The chair next to yous free,
And I hope that you dont fall in love with me.

Now its closing time, the musics fading out
Last call for drinks, Ill have another stout.
Well I turn around to look at you,
Youre nowhere to be found,
I search the place for your lost face,
Guess Ill have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you.

This is not an end


You went up and I went down
And left an empty ground
You just smiled and I frowned
Look at us now

I don't mind
If you leave me here
I don't mind
If you leave me here

You pulled up and I pulled out
I always seem to miss you somehow
I can't tell you what it's all about
I just don't remember now

I don't mind
If you leave me here
I don't mind
If you leave me hanging here
Running like a fool
If you keep me waiting here
Cause you got better things to do
Just give me a reason
For all these wasted tears
Cause we know this is not an end

I went up and you went down
And left an empty ground
I can't tell you what it's all about
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out

I don't mind
If you leave me here
I don't mind
If you leave me hanging here
Running like a fool
If you keep me waiting here
Cause you got better things to do
Just give me a reason
For all these wasted tears

This is not an end
This is not an end
This is not the end


video

Sorry -

I'm sorry
Two words I always think
After you've gone
When I realize I was acting all wrong

So selfish
Two words that could describe
Oh actions of mine
When patience is in short supply

We don't need to say goodbye
We don't need to fight and cry
Oh we, we could hold each other tight tonight

We're so helpless
We're slaves to our impulses
We're afraid of our emotions
And no one knows where the shore is
We're divided by the ocean
And the only thing I know is
That the answer isn't for us
No the answer isn't for us

I'm sorry
Two words I always think
Oh after you've gone
When I realize I was acting all wrong

We don't need to say goodbye
We don't need to fight and cry
We, we could hold each other tight tonight
Tonight
Tonight
Tonight
Tonight...

July 23, 2009

I’m right here, in your heart.


When tomorrow starts without me,
and I’m not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn’t get to say.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I’d have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I’d always thought,
I didn’t want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I’d say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven’s gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, “This is eternity,
and all I’ve promised you”.
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day’s the same day,
there’s no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn’t do.
But you have been forgiven
and now at last you’re free.
So won’t you take my hand
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don’t think we’re far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I’m right here, in your heart.

July 22, 2009

I've Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.

All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people,
It's what they do about it.

I've learned that you should always have loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you'll see them.

I've learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love

Reason Season Lifetime

For a Reason!When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, motionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are .
They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do omething to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.


For a SEASON!
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn
has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.


For LIFETIME !
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you
must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.

Letting go

Love without hurt is wonderful, but love with hurt allows you to value the good things in life even more.

A complete person has felt the wonder of life and the downsides.

A complete person uses the experiences for the better and takes the learning’s to improve their value to the world.

What do you think, can you be a complete person without hurt? Do you believe that hurt has made you a better person?

where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"


I do not love you as if you were salt-rose or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers.
Thanks to your love a certain fragrance,
risen darkly from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride,
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close and I fall asleep.

July 10, 2009

Did You Forget


Did you forget

That I was even alive

Did you forget

Everything we ever had

Did you forget

About me

Did you regret

Even standing by my side

Did you forget

What we were feeling inside

Now I’m left to forget

About us

But somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song

You can’t forget it

So now I guess

This is were we have to stand

Did you regret

Even holding my hand

Never again

Please don’t forget

We had it all

We were just about to fall

Even more in love

Then we were before

I won’t forget

About us

At all

And at last

All the picture have been burned

And all the past

Is just a lesson that we’ve learned

I won’t forget

Please don’t forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong

Our love is like a song

But you won’t sing along

You’ve forgotten

About us

July 2, 2009

Shart

Kya Shart-e-Mohabbat Hai, Kya Shart-e-Zamana Hai
Aawaz Bhi Zakhmi Hai Aur Woh Geet Bhi Gaana Hai


By a good friend last island: http://kitab-e-zindagi.blogspot.com/search/label/Imagery

Sargoshi

Us nay meray seenay per sar
Rakh ker poocha
Janan ! apnay jeewan ka woh
Lamha to batao mujh ko
Jis kay badlay mil saktay hon sabhi sitaray
Dariyaon kay saray moti
Sawan ki pehli barish kay saray qatray
Ujlay chand ki sari kirnain
Dharti kay seenay say lipay sabhi khazanay
Saray mausan, sabhi dua’ain
Phoolon ki rangeen qaba’ain
Patti patti pernay wali bheegi shabnam
Main nay kaha Ism-e-Azam
Us nay meray seenay per sar rakh ker poocha
Janan ! apnay jeewan ka wo lamha to batao mujh ko
Jis kay badlay sab kuch apna, sab kuch, day saktay ho
Main nay us ka maatha chooma aur bola
"Jab pehli baar meray seenay per tum nay apna sir rakha tha"


By a good friend last island. to read more visit http://kitab-e-zindagi.blogspot.com/

June 18, 2009

“Where are you?”


I have not been the same this past month.

I haven’t been eating a lot, in fact, I only eat in the morning and not because I’m hungry, but because I needed energy.

I’m always online just in case “someone” had sent me a message.

Sometimes, I find myself staring blankly in my bedroom wall, and I find it very weird of me to do such thing, I’m a thinker and a worrier but I never stared blankly at a wall before.

I’ve been also singing and listening to songs that I haven’t listened to in the past 10 years and those are the songs that I have long deleted because I needed more room for happy love songs

Nah…but I feel like a total crap. I feel kinda depressed.

I never really thought that I’d miss someone this bad

I’m still confused.

“Where are you?”

June 17, 2009

Late Bloomer

Not all of us are quick off the mark and succeed early in life.

Some of us are like slow-boiling pots, who need time to gather wisdom and make sense of the world around us.

But watch out when a later bloomer finally gets it - late bloomers are often the driving forces in the world because they have spent a long time digesting ideas, information and knowledge just to come up with some amazing solutions to the world's problems.

Shut up! Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them.


  • Shouldn’t you announce your goals, so friends can support you?

  • Isn’t it good networking to tell people about your upcoming projects?

  • Doesn’t the “law of attraction” mean you should state your intention, and visualize the goal as already yours?


Nope.

Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you’re less motivated to do the hard work needed.

June 12, 2009

Be Selfish In Love

Who comes first, you or your relationship? Although answering “the relationship” may sound honorable and based on a deep level of love and commitment, its an unhealthy and destructive way to live. It is only when you can honor and love yourself first, that the relationship can be a truly loving one and not one based on need, dependency, fear, or insecurities. When each partner comes to the relationship whole, the relationship becomes an enhancement of your life and not life itself.

Most of you have flown on an airplane. Have you ever wondered why they tell you to put your OWN mask on first, before you help your child? Seems kinda selfish, doesn’t it? I mean, we’ve been taught that the ultimate in love is self sacrifice, right? Why do these airlines tell us to save ourselves first?!? There’s a practical reason they instruct you to do this. Think about it. How can you help someone when you’re unconscious or struggling for breath?

Love is similar to that air mask. You can’t fully love another unless you love yourself FIRST. Strap that air mask on good and tight, and you can love an endless amount. If you don’t love yourself first, you have no love to give. If you truly put yourself first in love, nurture yourself, honor what you want, and make YOUR happiness the number one priority, you are better equipped to love others. Love deeper. We love others to the degree we love ourselves.

And as I've said, part of loving one’s self is accepting (being okay with) who we are. Consequently, we love to the degree we’re happy. While we are unhappy and attending to our fears, we are not loving. The self is always crying out for acceptance. When we deny ourselves that acceptance, life gets twisted. Our attention gets sucked into a void inside ourselves, leaving nothing left to give to another.

What Is Happiness?

Happiness and unhappiness are opposite sides of a judgement about your situation. If you judge your situation as bad for you, that's unhappiness. If you judge a situation as good for you, that's happiness.

The experience of happiness is one of those general terms we use to say, "I feel good emotionally." People use different terms to describe what feels good for them. For someone it might be excitement, passion, exhilaration, fulfillment, freedom, feeling fully alive with inspiration and joy. For another it might be more peaceful, content, capable, hopeful, satisfied, and comfortable feeling. Whatever you call it, it just feels darn good.

Our natural state of being is to be happy. When you remove all the uncomfortable emotions we humans can experience (and they are numerous), you're left with happiness. So it's easiest to define happiness by what it is not.

Happiness is what you feel when you're NOT feeling....

self doubt
depressed
hateful
fearful
worried
unsatisfied
bored
grief
shame
guilt
discontent
anxious
annoyed
angry
irritated
stressed
frustrated
upset
down
sad
envious
or
jealous.

Whew! That’s a long list!
Pleasure vs. Happiness

Happiness is not pleasure although they can appear similar. Pleasure is enjoyment of an outside stimuli. You might find pleasure in buying a new car, or in going on vacation, or having friends over for dinner, or having sex, or....the list is long on what you might enjoy experiencing. Pleasure requires an external stimuli for you to experience it. Happiness does not. Happiness is a belief about yourself and the outside world. You can be doing something you normally experience as pleasurable but not be happy! Pleasure is born from the external world, happiness is born from the internal workings of our own minds.

Does Guilt Work?

One day I was feeling particularly miserable and guilty about not working hard enough. I was so sick of feeling guilty I just wanted the feeling to go away.

It was in the summer of 1996 that I decided to put guilt to the test. I wanted to completely understand guilt. Why I felt it, why these feelings were encouraged by others, and what effect it was having on my life.

I do some of my best thinking when surrounded by nature so I put on my sneakers and went for a long walk. A 5 mile walk to be specific. I decided the best way to look at my guilt was to examine specific incidences where I felt guilty. As I made the turn down the street onto the gravel path, I went back to my earliest memory of guilt.

I chuckled as I remembered an early memory. I had gone outside in my bunny slippers when my mother had told me specifically not to. I remembered feeling "What kind of person was I to disobey? There must be something wrong with me. I must be a bad person." I didn't know it at the time, but I thought if I could feel bad enough, maybe it would make me act "right."

In college, I had an 8am Art History class across campus. I wasn't a morning person, the classes were in a dark room, and didn't feel like walking that far. After a month or so into the semester I started missing some classes. I felt guilty every time. I thought about how I was wasting my parent's money, how I was not disciplined enough, how if I was a "good" student, I would MAKE myself go. Consequently, I felt bad every time I skipped Art History.

So I thought of those experiences and every specific example I could remember from age seven on. The examples were numerous. After each example, I asked the following questions.

1) Why did I feel guilty in that situation?
2) What did I hope to accomplish by feeling guilty?
and
3) Did feeling guilty help me accomplish what I wanted?

As I went down the list, the answers surprised me. The reason I felt guilt in ALL the situations could be narrowed down into three categories.

To get myself
to behave
differently.
I thought that's
what I good people were suppose
to feel.
To show others
that I was a
caring person.

The most popular reason was to try and get myself to do something I thought I "should" be doing, or stop myself from doing something I didn't think I "should" be doing.. Now here's the clincher.

Did Guilt Change Me?
The answer was a resounding, NO. In all the cases I could remember, guilt hadn't motivated me to ever make any lasting changes in how I thought or behaved. In some cases I had changed in the short-term, but in all the examples I could think of, I inevitably went back to the behavior I was trying to stop. This made me ask, then why use guilt if it doesn't work? The only times I stopped behaviors was when I simply didn't want to do them anymore or changed my thoughts/beliefs about the situation..

Did I Have To Feel Guilt?
Was there some requirement that necessitated me feeling guilty? I couldn't think of one valid reason to feel guilt if it didn't work! If it wasn't functioning as a tool for change, then why use it? Why feel miserable if it serves no purpose?

Did Guilt Show My Caring To Others?
Unfortunately, sometimes yes. We belong to a culture that believes guilty feelings are a sign of a caring and thoughtful person. But most of the time it was difficult knowing what others were thinking. Most times they could care less what I was feeling. The ones who wanted to try and manipulate me to do what they wanted, liked the fact that I felt guilt. The ones who loved me, and wanted me to be happy tried to reassure me that there was no reason to feel bad. I decided I didn't want to spend time with people that supported me feeling guilty.

Take Your Own Walk
Don't trust my answers for your life. Take your own walk and examine your experiences. Put your guilt through the wringer. See what answers you find using the same questions I did. Look at the long-term results. The answers you reveal will have a profound effect on how you view guilt. And I suspect, like me, you'll discover just how useless the emotion of guilt really is.

Is Love Painful?

Who hasn't experienced the pain of love? Or is it the pain of rejection? The pain of self doubt? The pain of fear? It's important to distinguish between love and totally separate feelings.

When it comes to pain surrounding love, we're more likely referring to the “add-ons” of love. The love baggage, we might call it. For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a part or element of love. But experientially we know this isn't true.

Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love?

Perhaps its because we feel these uncomfortable emotions most often in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships are important to us, so we assume these doubts and fears are all part of the loving experience. But is this really true?

When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly experiencing a state of love? They sure feel different, don't they? Love feels warm, open, joyous and filled with a deep sense of appreciation. Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a "wanted relationship," into a "needed relationship." You don't NEED any one relationship. Want? Yes. Need? No.

If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together.

If we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave, we look to those around us to provide it for us. Again, none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything to do with the fear you feel.

If you really want to remove the love baggage of fear and unhappiness, the first step is to improve your self awareness and self acceptance.

June 7, 2009

Affection

  • In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels.
  • Most people would rather give than get affection.
  • The affections are like lightning: you cannot tell where they will strike till they have fallen.
  • wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art.
  • Every gift, though it be small, is in reality great if given with affection.
  • We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgment.
  • The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do
  • You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
  • A slight touch of friendly malice and amusement towards those we love keeps our affections for them from turning flat.
  • Caresses, expressions of one sort or another, are necessary to the life of the affections as leaves are to the life of a tree. If they are wholly restrained, love will die at the roots.
  • Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted.

Acceptance

  • The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
  • One must not attempt to justify them, but rather to sense their nature simply and clearly.
  • Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.
  • The strongest and most effective force in guaranteeing the long term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated, but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.
  • We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.
  • The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one.
  • Accept everything about yourself I mean everything, you are you and that is the beginning and the end no apologies, no regrets.
  • Happiness can exist only in acceptance.
  • Some people swallow the universe like a pill, they travel on through the world, like smiling images pushed from behind.
  • We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.
  • I wish they would only take me as I am.
  • The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
  • The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.