May 19, 2009

Twenty Years

Last 20 years made something else out of him,

the 20 years old boy turned into a 40 years old man. 

Do you remember that day when I saw you by chance in …..


- Yes

- It wasn't by chance, it was planned, it was my third time to come all this way trying to find you


And he started telling her all what he has been hiding for a year and a half, he took her through all the days, hour by hour and minute by minute, he couldn't help it. Like a waterfall that cannot stop he went on telling her everything.


She was silent, shocked and when he urged her to speak, all she said was:


 - But Rawanas, I do not deserve all this

- Why do you think so?

- I mean… I'm… I'm not that good of a person

- Who said that I did all this because you are good

- So how do you call this?

- Love?

- This can't be possible… for me you are nothing but a friend


With that simple word she brought him down to earth in an unexpected collapse. He felt as if a cold steel hand was squeezing his heart, he couldn't think or speak. He felt as if he had just heard his sentence of death.


She left announcing that this would be the last time they should meet, and he was left with an agony of pain to overcome, a broken heart to heal, a void where her love was, a longing to manage and a dark tomorrow where she will not be there.


He left, walking alone in the silent night, a totally different person than the one who was almost flying on his way to meet her few hours earlier. 


He lost his faith in love and learned from his mistakes, he knew what he wants out of his life and decided that the journey should leave an effect, he traveled a lot and saw the beauties of the world, he found the place where he dreams to live, he learned composing music and developed new passions for things he didn't imagine would like, he made a lot of decisions and he never regretted any of them.


Twenty years have shown him a lot, in himself, in people and in life. Twenty years have taught him that he is capable of doing great achievements on many fronts, that God as much as he gives does not give everything to his people, something has to be missing, for him he knew what was missing and he learned to live with it.


He grew up, he changed a lot, but whenever he looks at himself he sees the small old shy him who enjoys his own company rather than the company of others, who prefers to write than to speak, who would rather be alone than being with someone who does not like and who cannot live without art and beauty. The same him that loves flowers, winter, fine paintings, classical music and sad movies.


The self discovery trip that he started Twenty years ago is still going on, for he decided that it will end only with his ……




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